It has always been interesting how people perceive different things. Specifically, how people perceive stories and the way they are written. A friend of mine read a short piece I wrote and said that she thought it was cool and well written. I look at the same story and think, “this is a piece of crap”. I mean there are parts of the story that I like, but overall… It sounds so stupid to me. It is definitely not what I think of when I think about the “next best story”. And yet I’m willing to allow this piece that I am calling “crap” to be published. Yup. Smart choices, right?
Isn’t that the case with anyone who creates things though? Other people see the beauty of something that we don’t think is that good. Isn’t that the way we think of ourselves? People pay us compliments and even if we thank them for them, do we really believe them?
I think the reason why this happens is because we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. I know I am quite guilty of comparing myself to those around me. I compare my writing to the writers I adore so much. I am well aware of the ridiculousness that is comparison, and yet I do it anyway. I know that I will write differently from the writers I enjoy reading, because I am different from them therefore I do things differently.
I had a professor once that said “We are our biggest critic”. How true is that? We criticize so much about ourselves. It’s no wonder we struggle to love ourselves as we are. I am well aware that I am a very difficult person to love. I am incredibly stubborn, which even I find frustrating. I tend to want something and not want it at the same time – example: cuddling would be nice, but I don’t want to be touched or being in a relationship would be nice, but I am very independent and I can take care of myself. It’s the silly things. I fight myself on just about everything. Once I am done writing this post, I will fight myself for a while on whether or not I’ll post it. I do this with just about everything I post (or don’t post as I have quite a few drafts of things). I fight with myself on whether or not I’ll send someone a text or give them a call. I find myself so frustrating to live with, why would anyone else want to love this? It boils down to how Icriticize myself. It is also about my perspective of myself.
Pulling it back to the writing side of it…When it comes to sharing the stories I have written, I have to just get over my overly imagined opinions that others will have about it. I am constantly worrying that someone will think what I have written is about them and that the whole situation is about something that is actually happening. While I don’t mind answering questions about the things that I have created (stories and YouTube stuff), I don’t really like getting questions about personal things. Like I stated before, I tend to want something and not want it at the same time. I definitely want to interact with my audience that is taking the time to watch or read and comment and such with the content that I have created. It’s just daunting to have other people poking their nose in my business. And yet I still create things… So much sense is being made today.
Yes, I pull inspiration from things that have happened in my life. That does not mean that when I write or create a short film or whatever about a topic that came from that inspiration that it is about that specific situation. The story I was talking about at the beginning of this post, I pulled that idea from a conversation I had with a friend. The story has nothing to do with that specific friend. It was about the idea that the conversation surrounded. I did use some of the actual conversation as dialog, but that is because it fit and worked for what I wanted to get across.
It kind of all goes back to symbolism. How people find certain things within stories and claim that the writer intended it to be that way. That is not necessarily true! It is possible, but most of the time not the case.
This post has gone a little bit all over the place….yeah.
Until next time… Kara