Have you ever had a difficult time explaining something that is going on and then you read something that explains it exactly? Well that happened to me recently. Even looking back at the night that I came across these words, I cannot even begin to try to explain what I was feeling in my own words. I remember not being able to tell if I was okay or if I was slipping away, but I don’t remember much else about how I was feeling. But I reached for my bible. Typically when I pick up my bible, I go searching for things to read among the highlighted and marked up sections. This time I just opened it up and read where I opened up – Psalm 69. The opening verses of this chapter describe what I was feeling to a T.
Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.
Psalm 69: 1 – 3 ESV
All of that sounds pretty depressing, right? And yet, I found comfort in them. These words were comforting to me. One of the first things that I noticed about these verses is the imagery that David used. It comes across so vividly to me, which leads to the connection I felt. Those verses describe something that I have felt due to my battle with depression. So I’m not sure if the reason why I found these words comforting is because it sounded like David was going through something similar to me or what. As you continue to read through the chapter you see that David is hiding and it does not sound like David is going through what I am going through – which I’m not even sure what it is that I was experiencing that night. But I found even more comfort in some other verses in the same chapter.
Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me.
Psalm 69:14 & 15 ESV
This sounds more like a cry for help than the verses mentioned before. Before the verses (vs.1-3) were identifying what was going on and these verses (vs.14 & 15) are specifically asking for help. Again, I’m not sure why I found comfort in these verses, but I did. I felt an overwhelming amount of peace and comfort after I read these verses.
My mother had mentioned something in a book she read talked about how depression can be ways that Satan attacks. I can see how this could very well be the case. When I am depressed, my guards are not as strong compared to when I am not depressed. A big piece of my depression comes from the lies that I have believed about myself, but it is through the freedom that Christ offers that I have found the strength to see and believe in the truth. Do I still have days when my depression gets the better of me? Yes. That does not mean that I have given up though. The closer I get to God, the less likely it is for my depression to have a mini-victory.
So while these words sound a bit odd to find comfort in, they are not all that unusual for comfort to be found in. God is the ultimate source of comfort. His arms are always open wide for everyone.
Until next time… Kara